Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've blown a few things in my day
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
