Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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