Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
