i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
