I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
