Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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