I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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