I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
