Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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