i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
