I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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