I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
