remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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