A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
