fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
