Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
