I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
