There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
