You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
