I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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