Where is the hickey?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
