I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
