BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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