oh god the rape fog is back!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
