"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
