atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
