remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FUCK WHALES
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
