he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
