whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wish there were birth control emojis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
