My friends, they love my intelligence
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
