whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
