So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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