I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
worst night to have a conscience
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
