Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
