I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
