Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
