So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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