I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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