The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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