Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
