her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
