I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
