He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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