i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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