For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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