also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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