I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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