Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
