C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
