When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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