I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
