How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
