After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
